So as I have previously written before, I'll be getting a new job in January which comes with a $1000-per-month pay raise. A common piece of advice is that you should save half of any raise for retirement, so that you won't feel the pinch because you'll be setting aside an increase instead of taking more money out of the budget. Well, that's what I'm going to do too - put $500 per month into my supplemental 403(b) plan. The other $500 is going to be used for two things - funding my Roth on a monthly basis, and replacing the lost income because I am going to ask my boyfriend to contribute less to the household expenses. Boyfriend is a graduate student, and my raise is almost as much as he takes in in a month - hey pays his half of rent, his half of the cell phone bill, pays me back for the parking pass which comes out of my paycheck (long story) and pays the cable bill, and all that adds up to a little less than half his take home pay (and he only gets paid nine months of the year.) So I felt it was only fair to pass along some of my good fortune to him and instead of asking him for $422 per month, he is going to give me $250 and continue to pay the cable bill. So I will be using some of my raise to replace that money in my budget - overall, the actual amount of money I have to spend will not really change, it'll just be going in a different direction, and Boyfriend will actually be able to save some money. (Now on to convincing him to open a Roth...)
The long story about the parking passes is that since I am a staff member and he is a lowly student, he is not eligible for as good of a grade of parking pass as I am. The campus proper and the medical center are all on the same parking pass system, but an A pass on the medical center campus means you park in a garage, whereas an A pass on the campus itself means you park in the nice faculty garages instead of an open lot. So he actually parks in nicer spaces than do some of the visiting lecturers and the older grad students. For the low low price of $48 a month of course. So the pass is in my name, but has his car on it, so that he can park in the good spaces and not have to walk far to class. :)
Oh, and shameless plug - make $15 in 5 minutes on CashDuck! Sign up, fill out the Medical Hair Restoration offer on the front of the View Offers page (anyone with a valid address is fine) and then do the zip submits (they're their own section on the pull down menu) - there are about 14 of them and they pay 50 cents each, you just put in your zip code. Then put in a withdraw request for your money and it'll be paid on the next cycle. =)
Thursday, December 14, 2006
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15 comments:
You have a heart that is large and a bright future. I am right there with you on most things, but this one thing I am not.
First let me say I know it is your decision and your life, but as a quietly aging adult, who has seen too much icky stuff...I'm going to speak up.
I understand completely your desire to move some of your boyfriends burden from him. For your heart it is a good thing. When I read your words I wanted to jump in my car and cross 2 states and stop you.
In my eyes this is not good for many reasons -
1. He is your boyfriend, not your husband, not your brother, but a boyfriend. Although, everything is peaches and cream now, this could change.
2. Boyfriend needs to pay his share, if for no other reason then self-respect.
3. You need to secure your future, if for no other reason but to have a brighter future with him.
Talk to your parents, before you do this. I know you are an adult. He may be by your side till you take your last breath. In the off chance, that he is not.....how will you feel. Will you still be OK with this choice? Will your soul harbor a grudge?
Move with caution Kira, if for no other reason than to protect yourself from the unknow.
2nd - I am going to try your CashDuck - I'm kind of nervous, but I'm ready!
I have to agree with "d". How about you save the money in an account for your future together? If you did end up getting married, you could then spend the money to pay his student loans or put a downpayment on a house for the both of you. If you don't end up together then, there's no harm, no foul. You still have the money and don't feel cheated.
I do think it is good to be generous, but I also find it hard to believe that anyone would not have hard feelings toward someone who they supported and then dumped them. I also think that these types of things can tie you to someone who may not be your best match. I know it is old-fashioned, but I believe in not merging finances until you are ready to commit to God in front of your family and friends that this is for life.
I completely (respectfully) disagree with the above comment -- most emphatically, with #1.
While I strongly believe in the institution of marriage, it can't be denied that marriages (and divorces) are a dime a dozen. There are unmarried partnerships that endure 50 years or more. There are marriages that don't last two months. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it only has the sanctity that the two people involved assign it. All you can do is assess your personal situation, and decide if you trust it or not -- whether or not you're married is pretty much irrelevant in that regard.
#2 - There are differing ideas of what constitutes a 'share.' Some people split 50-50. Some people split percentage-wise (this is the Suze Orman school of thought) -- say, each of you contributes 15% of your take-home pay to household expenses. If you're making three times as much as your grad-student partner, you'd pay three times as much towards the household. These approaches are both equitable, just in different ways.
Empathy, interesting, but not necessary.
Let me clarify something here - it doesn't matter if your married or gay or partnered. Divorce statistics should not by anyway help you determine which way to go. Everything in life has risk.
Our job is to expose ourselves to the least risk. Especially in our early foundation years.
I feel they should both carry their weight for their own self issues. These are necessary expenses no matter where you go. $400 a month is low expenses.
I can see Kira, who makes more, paying more for their entertainment and extras, but the expenses should always be shared. Leaving out the possibility of issues later, like "I supported you when...." or "I couldn't have made it without..."
Life is hard enough, know you can get there on your own.
Empathy, interesting, but not necessary
emphatically
:)
So the $1000 is after tax?
In my opinion much better to split the costs in different ways to reflect earnings than setting up joint accounts and assets. The latter is what is potentially messy. I've split expenses in unequal ways with a room-mate I had no personal relationship with...
I know from experience that when there is a big disparity in incomes (3 or 4 to 1 or more) in this kind of relationship just as much resentment can be caused if partners aren't contributing what is seen as fair shares.
Every case is very individual. Some people want to pay 50:50 to feel good about things despite a huge income disparity and others expect the high income partner to pay much more for everything.
The $1000 is pre-tax, which is why the $500 post tax I figure will come to about $400. I already budget $125 a month for the Roth out of my current salary.
I guess my reasoning comes down to this - we were talking about it in the car last night - $200 is just about 6% of my pretax, but about 16% of his. It represents a fairly small amount of money compared to my salary (and that I have extra money from my adventures on the internet coming in) but is a significant chunk of his.
Also, when I commented to Boyfriend that my commenters had said I would resent him for it if we broke up, he said, you know, you're going to resent me for a lot of things if we break up, and this would probably not be the biggest.
Kira,
I'm sorry, but I am going to have to side with D here (NOT THAT ANY OF THIS IS SOLICITED ADVICE, so feel free to ignore all of us.).
However, your boyfriend is actually wrong. When all is said and done, years later, I can assure you, the money you could have been saving for yourself will be what you will resent. Initially, no, you'll resent the fact he never put the toilet seat down, that he left the milk on the counter to rot, that he didn't do the laundry right and messed up your favorite shirt. But 20 years later, you'll kick yourself saying, 'I should have saved my money and made him pay his share.'
Talk to some divorced adults. You'll hear them be sorry about the money as much as the relationship. It's sad, but true. I never regretted the money I spent on my ex-boyfriend who had no job while we dated. Not one dime of it. I'd do it again if we were still together.
Good luck with the boyfriend. I'm glad you have a generous heart. Your post reveals as much about you as any other. Love is good.
You're so generous, thoughtful and considerate when it comes to your boyfriend! I hope he appreciates what you do and is worth the trouble you go to.
Do what you think is right. It is not like your boyfriend is entirely dependent upon you and is not paying anything at all.
You are the only person walking in your shoe, so only you will know.
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