Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The death of a dream... and what to do with the rest of my life

Well the job that I wrote about yesterday, which tempted me to consider leaving my current job, is off the table. I was not qualified enough to meet the minimum qualifications laid out by whoever filled out the job posting. (3 years clinical research experience - I have only been here 1 year.) I filled out the application last night but of course it doesn't tell you that you didn't answer those few questions way at the beginning correctly until you have already attached your cover letter and resume and submitted your application and all that. So yesterday I was pretty depressed and I am still down in the dumps today.

I am really very much a planner at heart, I like to have all my bases covered and think about all possibilities before I do something. So I'd already started thinking about what the new job would be like, whether I would have more communication with my bosses, what my coworkers would be like (and of course how nice it would be to have all the extra money.) I really felt almost happy about my job for the first time in months because I had a window out, and there was the chance that I could get to leave for something better. It feels kind of like somebody died, to lose that chance.

So of course being at work now is just ten times worse. I was very tempted to call in sick but Boyfriend pushed me off to work. I am horribly bored and the coworker in the office next door is talking about how she wants out of our division and to go somewhere else, but she has a business degree and has a lot more options, my skills are very specialized and it may be weeks before another job comes up on the boards. Right now I feel like I have a very narrow window of opportunity because I will only be in this city likely for about another year and a half. Since it can take a couple of months between the job posting and actually starting at the job, and I wouldn't want to be at the new job for less than a year, there is this three or four month window where I can apply for jobs. And who knows if anything will come up. I probably should have started looking a couple months ago.

And as many people my age can relate, I don't even know if this is what I want to be doing with my life. There are a lot of other places I could go, but not if I want to keep doing research. I've been thinking about taking the registered paraplanner test and interning someplace for three months to get the certification to see if I would like working in the financial world. And I can always go back to school and get a degree in some kind of healthcare related field so that I can redirect my career. I'm just afraid of putting too much effort into any one direction and wasting my time.

1 comment:

shamedsteven said...

Kira, I feel you. Every day I think about the fact that this part of our lives is the prime time in our lives to really do what we want to do, and I find myself sitting here not doing it.

Stupid having to pay bills... :)