Evidently My Business Is Not Worth $33 to Fifth Third Bank

So this morning when I got to work, I checked my bank balance to see if my Paypal deposits had come through yet. O, I was surprised to find that I had $0.85 in my account due to $66.00 in overdraft fees.

Naturally, I got furious and called them. The lady on the phone reversed one of the charges but said that it was "not their policy" to reverse more than one if there was no bank error. I asked to speak to her supervisor and she refused to put me through, saying that her supervisor would say exactly the same thing.

Here's the activity on my account:

Date Debit(-) Credit(+) Balance Check Description Action
07/26/2006 $16.68 *** DAILY BALANCE ***
07/26/2006 $66.00 OVERDRAFT FEE
07/26/2006 $117.00 PAYPAL TRANSFER
07/25/2006 ($34.32) *** DAILY BALANCE ***
07/25/2006 $100.00 ING DIRECT WITHDRAWAL
07/25/2006 $90.00 5/3 JEANIE WITHDRAWAL
07/25/2006 $24.91 DEBIT CARD WHOLE FOODS
07/24/2006 $180.59 *** DAILY BALANCE ***


Fifth Third processes transactions in a strange and unorthodox way. For instance, the Whole Foods transaction was deducted from my available balance right after I charged it on 7/23. However, it wasn't processed and put on my online statement until 7/25, where it shows up here. At no point did my available balance drop below zero. But my statement balance did. And since they processed the $100 first, and then bounced the $90 and the $24.91, they charged me two overdraft fees. And the Paypal deposit was probably processed at midnight, just after they processed the withdrawals, because it was showing in my available balance. Just not on the account statement.

I called back and told the person that I did not think it was fair to customers to do it in that way, because that just guaranteed more overdraft fees. The lady claimed that this was because they processed the most important ones first. "What if," she told me, "the largest one were the house payment?" Well, that argument is parading concern for the customer's well-being over their own. I asked her how she knew the largest one was the most important. She told me they didn't have the manpower to go through all of them and determine that.

So I asked her if $33 was more important than my business, and she just repeated the line that it's their policy to give a one-time reversal of one charge unless there was a bank error. Wait, you mean they would refuse to reverse it in the future? Yep, that's right. One reversal and that's it.

I checked the features of my savings account online. Yup, no ability to use it as an overdraft line. I guess the only thing you can use as an overdraft is one of their credit cards. That sounds like a terrific idea! When I run out of money, charge me extra money to a high-rate card! Yaaay!

Looks like the credit union will be getting my business now. I don't really care all that much about having lots of locations, because I have direct deposit and do most things online, but there's a location two buildings over from me at work, which is actually closer than the Fifth Third branch here in the hospital. My coworker said that they're really easy to work with and apparently their employees have a lot more individual power than Fifth Third's telephone ladies. (I generally find that when you give good people power to help others, they tend to use it as often as possible.) They've got online billpay and free debit cards and all that jazz.

I'll need to wait on closing the accounts until my paycheck goes through and I can pay all the bills. So probably next Friday, I'll get to pay the nice people at the Fifth Third branch at my work a nice visit and tell them to close my damn account. First, however, I will have given the nicer people at the credit union a big fat check for the balance of my account.

This was just the last straw with Fifth Third. They failed to give me the employee benefits package on my account, even though I told the person who signed Boyfriend and I up for accounts where we would be working, charged me several times for going under a $200 average balance on my savings account, or making too many transfers (despite that all of the transfers were just between the savings and checking accounts), or for using the PIN pad instead of signing for things. Oh, and that time that they guy at the branch told me that he couldn't withdraw $20 from my account and give it to me in quarters - I should just go out to the ATM, get a $20, and come back in and give it to him.

The lady on the phone wasn't particularly concerned when I said I would be closing my account - probably a lot of people say this, and then realize how annoying it would be. Well, I don't really give a flying crap. I've definitely paid Fifth Third more than this in fees already and it's getting old. Goodbye, you old dog.